The nervous system’s automatic reactions to overwhelming threat and helplessness.

Survival instincts aren’t chosen; they’re wired in. In the face of incest or any sexual violence, our nervous systems deploy fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or submit reflexes to protect us. This overview demystifies those reactions and offers hope for understanding and healing.

Introduction

The Trauma Responses (Immediate Reflexes) category explains the body’s automatic reactions to overwhelming threat. Survivors of incest often wonder why they did (or didn’t) fight back, why they felt detached during the abuse, or why they later became hypervigilant, people‑pleasing, or numb. The answer lies in the nervous system’s built‑in survival programming. When danger strikes, the body and brain respond instinctively to protect us. These responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn, submission) are not conscious choices but automatic survival strategies shaped by evolution and past experience. They can also be triggered later by reminders of trauma, causing intense physical or emotional reactions that seem disproportionate to the present situation. Understanding these reflexes allows survivors to release self‑blame, recognize their resilience, and work with their bodies to heal.

Why It’s Important to Understand Trauma Responses

Survivors commonly blame themselves for how they reacted during abuse. They may feel ashamed for not fighting harder, for complying, or for feeling nothing. Partners or therapists may unknowingly reinforce this shame by asking, “Why didn’t you run?” or assuming a freeze response means consent. This category exists to correct those misunderstandings. First, trauma responses are involuntary; they are deeply rooted in our nervous systems. The body assesses threat and selects the response that seems most likely to ensure survival. Second, these responses are adaptive within the traumatic context but can become maladaptive when they persist long after the danger has passed. Survivors often experience triggers (sensory or emotional reminders) that activate the same reflexes, leading to panic, dissociation, or appeasement in seemingly safe situations. By naming and normalizing these responses, we support survivors in reframing their reactions as brave attempts to survive rather than failures. Partners and therapists also need education about trauma responses to avoid misinterpretations and to provide safer support.

Article Summaries

Triggers

Triggers are internal or external cues that evoke a survival response. They may be obvious, like a certain smell or voice, or subtle, like an internal sensation or emotional state. During incest trauma, the nervous system learned to associate certain stimuli with danger. Years later, the same cues (even if benign) can activate the fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or submission response. Triggers are often sensory: a particular cologne can ignite panic, or a loud noise can prompt a flight response. They can also be relational: someone raising their voice might recreate the abuser’s tone, leading to shutdown. Survivors often feel frustrated by their triggers, wishing they could “just get over it.” Recognizing triggers as conditioned associations allows survivors to approach them with curiosity and compassion. Therapies that include somatic tracking and gradual exposure can help rewire these associations.

Fawn

Fawning involves appeasing or placating a threat to reduce harm. It’s a strategy often shaped by previous trauma, especially child sexual abuse. During abuse, a child may have learned that complying, laughing along, or saying “yes” kept the danger at bay. This response isn’t submission in the moral sense; it’s an ingenious tactic to survive when fighting or fleeing wasn’t possible. In adult life, fawning can manifest as chronic people‑pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, and staying in unsafe situations because appeasement feels safer than asserting needs. Survivors might agree to things they don’t want to do, over‑accommodate others, or lose track of their own desires. They may fear conflict intensely, feeling responsible for other people’s emotions. Healing from fawning involves learning to recognize one’s needs, building boundaries, and tolerating discomfort. Supportive therapies, group work, and education about trauma bonding and co‑dependency can help survivors reclaim their voice.

Freeze

The freeze response immobilizes the body. It’s a protective reflex that kicks in when fighting or fleeing seem impossible or unsafe. During incest, a child might have been pinned or threatened, making movement futile or dangerous. Freezing can involve going limp, dissociating, or experiencing a mental fog. Survivors may later describe feeling paralyzed, numb, or outside their bodies. After the trauma, freeze can manifest as depression, chronic fatigue, difficulty making decisions, or feeling stuck in life. Survivors often criticize themselves for “doing nothing” during abuse, but freezing is as involuntary and valid as running or fighting. Healing the freeze response involves reconnecting with the body through somatic therapies, trauma‑informed yoga, and gentle movement practices. Naming and normalizing this response reduces self‑blame and shame.

Flight

The flight response urges the body to flee from danger. In an abusive situation, it may look like physically escaping, hiding, or mentally checking out. In everyday life, survivors may experience the flight response as restlessness, chronic busyness, constantly moving jobs or homes, or feeling unable to settle. They might avoid situations that evoke vulnerability or closeness, staying in perpetual motion to outrun their anxiety. Flight can also appear as perfectionism or overachievement, working tirelessly to stay ahead of danger. Healing from flight responses involves creating safe spaces, practicing grounding techniques, and gradually learning to be with stillness. Mindfulness practices and therapeutic approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy can help address avoidance behaviors.

Fight

The fight response is the instinct to defend against danger. During incest, it might involve yelling, pushing, or trying to escape through confrontation. After trauma, fight can show up as irritability, anger, or defensiveness. Survivors might have a hair‑trigger temper or feel constantly on guard. Some may become activists or advocates, channeling their fight response into justice. Others might internalize the energy, experiencing chronic tension, headaches, or autoimmune issues. Survivors sometimes feel ashamed for feeling angry or aggressive, especially when they were taught to be quiet or accommodating. Recognizing fight as a valid survival response helps survivors harness its energy constructively, for example, setting boundaries or advocating for themselves. Therapeutic approaches like somatic experiencing and expressive modalities can help release pent‑up fight energy and reclaim assertive power.

Submission Reflex (Flop)

The submission reflex (or flop response) involves an involuntary collapse under threat. It is sometimes called “feigned death” or tonic immobility. When fighting, fleeing, or appeasing fails, the nervous system may switch off, resulting in limpness or unconsciousness. In incest situations, children might have fainted or felt their bodies go limp. Later, submission reflex can manifest as chronic dissociation, extreme passivity, or feeling unable to act. Survivors who experienced this response often carry deep shame because they associate collapse with weakness. However, the submission reflex is a protective strategy that can minimize harm when other options are exhausted. Healing involves acknowledging the body’s wisdom and working with somatic therapies to release the immobility. Slowly building the capacity to move and act in safe contexts can help survivors trust their ability to respond differently in the present.

Survivor Impact

Trauma responses do not end when the abuse ends; they ripple into daily life. Survivors may experience hypervigilance, chronic anxiety, or depression. Many feel perplexed by their own reactions (bursting into anger, dissociating, people‑pleasing, or collapsing) without knowing why. These patterns can affect relationships, work, and self‑image. Physically, survivors may suffer chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, reproductive problems, and cardiopulmonary symptoms. Mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, sleep disturbance, and dissociation are common. The constant activation of the stress system can lead to dysregulated cortisol levels and HPA axis dysfunction. Recognizing trauma responses as adaptive survival strategies rather than personality flaws helps survivors cultivate self‑compassion. It also opens the door to interventions that work with the nervous system rather than against it.

Partner Lens

Partners often witness trauma responses without understanding their origins. You might see your loved one shut down during intimacy, explode in anger over minor triggers, or acquiesce to avoid conflict. These reactions are not about you; they are echoes of trauma. Partners can support by educating themselves on trauma responses and reframing them as survival instincts rather than choices. Avoid asking, “Why didn’t you fight back?” or suggesting that the survivor should simply get over it. Recognize that fawning or people‑pleasing is an automatic attempt to stay safe, and resist the urge to interpret it as insincerity. If your partner freezes, offer patience and gentle grounding without pressure. When they fight, hold space for anger without retaliating. Encourage your partner to identify triggers and co‑create safety plans. Most importantly, let them lead their healing; your role is to be a supportive witness, not a rescuer.

Therapist Lens

Clinicians must understand that trauma responses are somatic and involuntary. In therapy, survivors may switch between fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or flop within a single session. Recognizing these states allows therapists to pace interventions appropriately. For example, a client in a freeze response may need gentle, sensory‑oriented grounding rather than cognitive processing. Psychoeducation about the nervous system helps clients reframe shame and understand their responses. Therapists should avoid pathologizing survival strategies and instead honor the wisdom behind them. Somatic therapies, EMDR, sensorimotor psychotherapy, and parts work can help integrate trauma responses. Clinicians should also be aware of how their own nervous systems interact with clients’, a therapist’s anxious flight response might activate a client’s freeze. Ongoing self‑regulation and supervision are essential. When working with survivors, emphasize that healing involves building new response options rather than eliminating old ones.

Closing Reflection

Your body kept you alive. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and submission are not evidence of weakness or complicity; they are signs of the fierce intelligence of your nervous system. By naming and understanding these reflexes, you can begin to release shame and reclaim agency. Partners and therapists who witness these responses with compassion participate in healing. As we move into the next category (dissociation and fragmentation) we will explore how the mind protects itself when overwhelm threatens to shatter it. Knowledge of trauma responses is the first step toward transforming automatic survival into conscious thriving.