Once again I feel like I’m just a dumb bitch doing dumb bitch shit.

Every word I long to speak gets trapped in my throat. Every dream I chase is merely an illusion, never seen or shared by another.

I knew it would go this way. I felt it coming.

I’ve abandoned myself for the benefit of another.

Truth is, I don’t know how to ask for help. I don’t know how to ask for what I need. I’ve been denied the care, consideration, love and nurturing that seems to be given so effortlessly to others.

Yet, I’m the reliable one. I’m the one that everyone turns to. I’m the one that people count on.

I give and I give, all the while discarding my own needs, wants, and responsibilities.

Then when I find myself drowning and desperate for help I’m the one who’s abandoned. I’m left to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces alone.

I have no one else to blame but myself. I’m not stupid, I know how the game works.

What I don’t understand is how to get people to care. I don’t know why people never want to pour back into me.