“Trauma Bond” x L.J. Hamilton x ‪@wanpoetry‬

First Name. Trauma.

Last Name. Bond.

I am the one thing you can’t let go of, no matter how hard you fight to move on.

I’m in your soul.

You can’t let go.

Because my hold is just that strong.

I’m a part of you.

Cutting me off is like cutting away a vital piece of who you are. 

You have no identity without me.

That’s why I’m seen in your reflection.

Ain’t no healing journey to start.

Ain’t no leaving from my presence.

Ain’t no praying me away.

I’ve been here since your adolescence.

Ain’t no antidepressants strong enough to free you from my possession.

I’m that possessive.

I’m the abuse of your mother and the boyfriend who raped you.

The side effect of your absent father whose disappearing act proves he hates you.

I’m the emotional dysfunction you can’t break through.

The PTSD that pains you.

The mistakes made that shame you.

And every excuse that someone used to replace you.

That’s me.

That’s us.

No matter what, we are one.

When you run, I then come.

In the ugliest form of what you consider love.

I pick you up. Make you feel high.

Till you confide. You sharing your secrets that I’ll eventually use to break you.

In unreparable pieces.

I’ll go from laughing with you. To shattinging you.

From love bombing to taking advantage of you.

The seeds of self sabotage I plant within you,

So when you connect with someone who actually cares, you damage them too.

I’m the only friend you got.

The only consistency you need.

Why are you yearning to be free?

We’re connected on the level of God using your rib to turn me into Eve.

And my purpose is to keep you returning to the tree.

And deferring what you need to hear the serpent as it speaks.

The poison fruit is in my hand I’ll gladly serve to you to eat.

To guarantee that you’ll always be in servitude to me.

You can’t. Get rid. Of trauma.

You’ll never let me go.

Over your dead body, is the only way it’ll be sowed.

And if you really want to make that move.

Suicidal ideation I’ll take you through.

Until life is the only thing left to take from you.

I know it hurts.

But I need you to trust me.

Together we’re unstoppable.

Without me you are nothing.

I must admit, you going to therapy now I didn’t see that coming.

The more you went, the more I worried about who you were becoming.

I had to do something.

Remember, no running.

Please. Don’t walk away.

The taste of comfort is always sweeter when it’s with not being okay.

Ain’t no happiness to refer back to.

I’ll always send someone to distract you.

In order to multiply my presence while I subtract you.

In addition to that I need you conflicted and sad.

Until between your heart and mind is where the division is at.

A therapeutic force. I couldn’t have you listen to that.

So I came in disguise until you put back on your mask too.

Ain’t no letting go of me.

I’m unescapable.

No matter how hard that you try.

I am what it looks like to be bonded. 

With trauma.

For life.